How to Drive like a Mozambican

How to drive like a Mozambican in 15 easy steps:

1. Even if it looks like the road is only wide enough for one car, actually it’s wide enough for two, or even three!

2. If the above ends up a little tighter than you thought, feel free to drive on the sidewalk.

3. The sidewalk is not for pedestrians, it’s for parking (and sometimes driving)

4. Pedestrians are like bombs in Mario Kart – you try to avoid them but if you hit one or two, just keep going.

5. Every once and a while you will see these strange stripes along the road, but don’t worry, they don’t mean anything.

6. Your horn is the best method of communication so use it often and loudly.

7. Green means go

8. Yellow means go

9. Red means go until the cars start coming at you in the other direction

10. If there is a car stopped about 100m ahead of you, please speed up into third or even fourth gear and then slam on the breaks so that you stop a few inches away.

11. If you need to drop someone off, please don’t feel the need to pull over. Just stop in the middle of the road until you are done.

12. You must put on the A/C even if the drive is just around the corner

13. You must have your car washed every day by the local kids

14. Pulling into the oncoming lane to make a turn is an excellent strategy

15. If your intersections don’t look like this, you are doing it wrong:



And now for something completely different...

This chapa is no more! It’s ceased to go! It’s expired and gone to meet its manufacturer! It’s a shell! Bereft of gas it rests in peace! It’s combustion processes are now history! It’s off the wheel! It’s hit the bucket and run it over! It’s shuffled off its engine coil, run down the highway and joined the bleedin’ caravan invisible. This is an EX-CHAPA!!